- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -
Despite returning to work today after the tragedic Rotten Week which was supposed to be a fantastic Golden Week, I still could not get over the fact that I lost my precious PSP and other stuffs. I am really really pissed to the extent that I would really really end up brutally assaulting the responsible party for my misfortune. Maybe even stabbing and gutting who ever that asshole to appease me. Day in and day out extreme images race through my head regarding the lost items. I can feel my tension soaring exponentially and my hands twitching ready to release some justice.
Well maybe I got so attached to my PSP over the years that having it stolen is like losing a close friend. If I had lost it, I would probably have blame myself but this time round, it was clearly stolen. My bag was virtually emptied and my stuffs strewn across the floor. The only consolation that I got was that my bag, my jacket and my pocket dictionary was not taken.
My beloved White PSP that have kept me entertained for years and have kept me companied during my rough times, my sweet headphones that took me weeks of consideration before buying them and my torch which had a rather significant value to me. May all of you rest in PEACE for I am unable to take good care of you in the future. May you find yourself in the hands of a better asshole whom I pray will take good care of you.
I have never dropped my PSP and not a single scratch can be found on it after using it for years. I had it cased in a polycarbonate case and cleaned daily with a synthetic cloth. It was indeed a close friend and it was indeed love at first sight. We were destinied to meet but somehow God, where ever you maybe, took the liberty to seperate us and let me wallop in tears.
I have sunken to my knees and extremely distraught...Why, why the hell would it befall on me. Yes I know these are items that can be bought with money but I have an affiliation with them over the years so it's really not something that money can replace.
Damn you mutherfucker, may you suffer a fate worse than a diseased, mutiliated corpse. May your face be disfigured so disgustingly that you have to be identified thru DNA testing. May you be struck with a prolonged virus that will humiliate you and be outcast by the society. May both your eyes be blinded by sharpnels from an explosion. My all your limps fracture so badly that they jut from your skin. May you and all your friends and family members be strike down by vehicles and smeared across the asphalt. May their raw brains and eyes be exposed on the asphalt that crows feast on them. May your sisters and mothers be raped beyond recognition and may whatever unthinkable, unethical and unfathomable shits befall on you and all your generations.
Lastly, I am a believer and I believe what I see so if God ever existed and if doing good deeds will reap good rewards ever is true, then show it to me and not luck around like some useless myth that only makes innocent people suffer.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Twitching Numbers
- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -
Yesterday, the last day of April, the 30th day of the month happened to be one of the most crucial phase of my life. I was struggling really hard to snap out of the sudden insanity rooting me down. Rising tensions and fluctuating emotions were hanging dangerously on a fine line between sanity and insanity. I really don't know what happen or the exact trigger that set of the the accumulated catalyst inside me. In an instance, I simply exploded and everything in sight became a threat and had to be eliminated. Bugs, insects, arachnids, shapes, cups, boxes, everything seems to be caving in to crush me.
I dived for the Hi Capa which was always filled with some gas, loaded in the BBs and waited without the safety. I was one paranoid sucker suffering from cabin fever I guessed. Sat in one corner of the house and armed with a BB pistol, I forced meself to rationalize and took a huge deep breath. In my alter-ego state I have gradually lost the ability to revert back to my usual self. I tried and I tried and finally after a huge effort to conclude the battle of personalities, back I was wondering what the fuck had just happened. Pretty scary I would say to lose it just as easy as the snap of fingers.
Regaining my consciousness I began to question all the events and situations that had happened prior in hope of finding out the cause of the relapse. After carefully analysing the contributing factors, it seems the the most likely cause was the random fluctuations of numbers. From 103.94 to 104.57 to 103.46, etc...these were probably the main cause of the sudden sanity collapse. 0.01 movement of either directions of these numbers would spell either a positive or negative integer value. And the movement are exponential due to leverage. Yep, indeed money are involved and it's simply the intensity I get out of trailing forex, pitting the YEN against the DOLLAR. Well given that everyone is probably attached or getting married and I am living in a shabby hut the middle of a bamboo forest in one of the most advanced country in the world. Do the math and you will arrive at the equation of misleading and undefined answers.
Time is abundant for me and it has become more of a hinderence and I had to do something useful. No skirt chasing here as 200 year old farmers are definitely not my type. Day in day out, I watch charts, plot graphs and come out with strategies to test them. Eventually when a strategy fails, I get pretty paranoid eventhough those were simply virtual currencies. A perfectionist like me cannot fail because of my own misjudgement or stupidity. I have to rage against the moving integers every second, minute and hour because a range of 1,000,000 YEN moving in favor or against me is crucial. Yes I am in the midst of training and training to become capable of accepting my own identity. Until I can perfect the winning ratios of 8.5 is to 1, I cannot stop but crunch more nerve-wrecking numbers, charts and immerse myself in the depths of insanity.
Being robbed of the sweetness for almost a year, all that I am yearning for right now is a hug and kiss from the loveliest girl.
Yesterday, the last day of April, the 30th day of the month happened to be one of the most crucial phase of my life. I was struggling really hard to snap out of the sudden insanity rooting me down. Rising tensions and fluctuating emotions were hanging dangerously on a fine line between sanity and insanity. I really don't know what happen or the exact trigger that set of the the accumulated catalyst inside me. In an instance, I simply exploded and everything in sight became a threat and had to be eliminated. Bugs, insects, arachnids, shapes, cups, boxes, everything seems to be caving in to crush me.
I dived for the Hi Capa which was always filled with some gas, loaded in the BBs and waited without the safety. I was one paranoid sucker suffering from cabin fever I guessed. Sat in one corner of the house and armed with a BB pistol, I forced meself to rationalize and took a huge deep breath. In my alter-ego state I have gradually lost the ability to revert back to my usual self. I tried and I tried and finally after a huge effort to conclude the battle of personalities, back I was wondering what the fuck had just happened. Pretty scary I would say to lose it just as easy as the snap of fingers.
Regaining my consciousness I began to question all the events and situations that had happened prior in hope of finding out the cause of the relapse. After carefully analysing the contributing factors, it seems the the most likely cause was the random fluctuations of numbers. From 103.94 to 104.57 to 103.46, etc...these were probably the main cause of the sudden sanity collapse. 0.01 movement of either directions of these numbers would spell either a positive or negative integer value. And the movement are exponential due to leverage. Yep, indeed money are involved and it's simply the intensity I get out of trailing forex, pitting the YEN against the DOLLAR. Well given that everyone is probably attached or getting married and I am living in a shabby hut the middle of a bamboo forest in one of the most advanced country in the world. Do the math and you will arrive at the equation of misleading and undefined answers.
Time is abundant for me and it has become more of a hinderence and I had to do something useful. No skirt chasing here as 200 year old farmers are definitely not my type. Day in day out, I watch charts, plot graphs and come out with strategies to test them. Eventually when a strategy fails, I get pretty paranoid eventhough those were simply virtual currencies. A perfectionist like me cannot fail because of my own misjudgement or stupidity. I have to rage against the moving integers every second, minute and hour because a range of 1,000,000 YEN moving in favor or against me is crucial. Yes I am in the midst of training and training to become capable of accepting my own identity. Until I can perfect the winning ratios of 8.5 is to 1, I cannot stop but crunch more nerve-wrecking numbers, charts and immerse myself in the depths of insanity.
Being robbed of the sweetness for almost a year, all that I am yearning for right now is a hug and kiss from the loveliest girl.
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