Hang me by the noose

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

Seems like another one of the random internal turmoil or is it that I am just breaking up under depression? Maybe to me a lot of things have happen or is it just me thinking too much? Why of unknown causes am I so much affected by the surroundings? Why am I unable to increase my latent inhibition and be immune to these external forces? The sudden influx of questions, self-preservation and uncertainties are interfering with my daily existence and this is quite on the contary to the fact that I am so much well protected in the past. I have forced myself into a safe and locked myself up back then but why is it that this safe is slowly decaying on me? What should I look for? An answer to complete my life? A sign? And if it's possible, where should I look for? I am already here so if it's not here then perhaps I should start searching elsewhere? Am I barking up the wrong tree?

As the gallons of questions flood my head, I am eluding these sub-conscious reality by substituting them with images of naive little kids running amok with cleavers and masks...

Then I found myself very much indebted and sinking into those past images, memories and warmth...into the arms of those.

Depression as I see it becomes more like a reality for me though there's no way I can forcast the next relapse. No I do not need to see a shrink or be administered to a special place with men in white. These are luxuries that I can't afford and will not be willing to...at least for the moment.