Am I being punished?

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

Like everyone else, every citizen and every good samaritan, I am just a regular normal human being run by a certain set of beliefs and principles. And like every masculine species that roamed Earth since pre-historic times, I do yearn for a comfortable shoulder to weep, a warm tender hug in winter, a rejuvernatiung smile in the morning all from 1 person...a girlfriend.

But I have none to begin with...well...actually there are, but I denied them. I am searching and I searching but still no luck. Maybe I am picky or something...or was it retribution? What's wrong with choosing since life is all about making the right decisions?

Sometimes to a certain extent, I am actually attributing this strange phenomenon to the place that I am living in. In exile with no one to interact but strangly enuff, I was actually singing praises about such a lifestyle earlier on. How ironic and how my mental stability are being questioned.

Long gone are those sweet tender kisses, warm hugs and fanciful dinner, long gone are those slow walks in the evening, holding hands and the fragrance of the hair, long gone are those reflections of the velvet night sky in the eyes of the once most beautiful lady in front of me, long gone are those wild and crazy ideas I am willing to serve for my Lady...Now with the harsh, cold winter approaching, I can feel more angst rising to keep me warm and alive just to realise that I am all alone.

I can feel my biological clock ticking and I am anxious, desperate at times but still I am unmotivated and unreluctant to sucumb to anyone in the street. I have to fulfil my destiny...

God, for once stop playing MGS4 on the PS3 and grant me a vision, an answer or anything that will guide me to her. Fate like everyone puts it quite simply, was that 1 think I am lacking to meet her. Yeah easy for all you folks to say but a little action would be appreciated. Superfacial, all talk and no action is what I think. I am practical and realistic so if some greater power or being is believed to be present, give me a sign to prove it. Stop wasting my time...

See...I have come to the extent to even fault God for my shortfall but that only shows how lonely and pathetic I am. Shine me a path before I lose my love for her, the world and everything else. And then I shall welcome the darkside with open arms...

*Argh* my social well being is at stake now...