A Feint of Misrepresentation

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

This post was not meant to be entered into the Japanese one simply because I have dedicated much of this blog to my thoughts and my recluse. A misread print recently have got me running for the door ashamed and feeling utterly disgusted. I can feel a deep pressurized bubble forming in my chest and yep it's damn uncomfortable. Feels like the seismic internal combustion will probably leave me half dead. My usual facade have been compromised and I have felt really really uncomfortable ever since but..."why" was the question that continues to pound my head.

I simply do not understand why the usual "Couldn't care less" nature of me was affected so badly this time. An issue concerning money was raised in an email and I reacted rather adversely to it. Rather than carefully analysing the texts, I loaded a machine gun with my angst and fired blindly. After a series of pretty strong accented words in my replies to display my great displeasure, I so happened to find out that a resolution had already been presented in the very email. I am probably a retard or blind to have misread it and THAT caused my own cynical embarassment. No replies from the other side from the start but simply idiotic whines from my side. The word "NOT" in regular font was missed completely in the email that altered the enire meaning of the email. I think there are other bad days but this one seems to go on infinitely.

Direct confrontations are ineminent and I really have ran outta of facades to contain my shame. How the hell am I gonna keep up with my own impression management? Totally screwed...Argh...this is killing me at the moment for I can't think, eat, sleep or react naturally without festering on the evil thoughts of shame, guilt and outright stupidity. So here comes the suppressed Sing(apore) Beast from within, "WAH LAU EH! THIS TIME DIE LIAO LAR! SIBEH SIA SUAY LEH!"

Technically death is nothing more than a cheat of life but living in shame is much worse. How can I, the GREAT ENGLISH TEACHER, misread the email? How is it even possible?

Wrecking my cognition and wearing sanity thin, I am desprately trying to make all this right but I guessed a mended broken mirror still have scars. Redemption is never possible so after winter, it's time to relocate matters, person and friends.

- Ride Life like the tides -