Grand-Führer

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

「Grand-Führer - a Leader with astonishing visions that transcends across universe which are not bounded by the physical limitations of mere mortal. A believer, a dreamer and a visionary with exceptional charismatic traits that will charm millions and start revolutions. Closely equivalent to God's fallen angel, Lucifer, the Grand-Führer will eventually collapse with grace and be remembered forever as a tyrant that leaves a deep scar in history.
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It is in this kind of inspiration that I draw my strength to tide the darkest hours of my life. But with each step I take, I sink deeper and further away from the Light. My lungs are getting pretty messed up with tabacco and the low temperature, my heart pounding irregularly and the short and acute pains are more frequent. Somehow I feel that the end is drawing near and yet there are so many things I have not accomplished. I am unconvinced.

I am not sure, I am uncertain and I am unmotivated. The infinite "What if" doubts that races thru my head are pretty unbearable as they all center around the end of time. I have hold up pretty well contemplating, whinning, suppressing and denying. But...how long can I keep up with both my mental and physical well being?

As I try to believe, dream and visualize, I realise that I am nowhere close to where I really wanted to be. I have got part of my dreams now and yet I am unhappy and struggling but with what? Time? Existence? Reality?

I am disappointed with people and myself, I am in love with people and myself and I am in denial with people and myself. Reality is not real and dreams are not clear, voices are not heard and faces are not seen. What is really going on and how can I make sanity out of this insanity that I am experiencing?

I laugh I talk I eat and I go to work like a normal person who complys with society but inside me, I am experiencing different personalities. I laugh I talk I eat and I rationalize with my other self and it's not all weird if you become accustomed to such lifestyles.