- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -
Somehow after reading a fellow friend's blog, I recalled being asked once "What makes your girlfriend special?" by a certain girl and my answer ended her search for her perfect guy. Eventhough my answer to her question was simply my own humble interpretation of what I actually felt rather than fitting the question with a model answer, it was nonetheless the ONLY flawless answer to her.
The story goes that she had been seeking for her perfect guy based on their answers to this simple and harmless question but none of the guys which I presumed was numerous, had actually gave an answer that she wanted. A simple question it may seem but hidden in it was a whole list of criterias and indications of her perfect guy depending on each answer given.
Well what really makes my answer "flawless" was the fact that it did not center around a common mean like all other answers she had received. If the answers that she had collected had to be plotted on a random binomial distribution chart with the mean at 0, I guess my answer would have been undefined. However despite having a "flawless" answer, eventually I declined her even before she had a chance to "offer" me the position of a prospective boyfriend. My reasons were simple, an answer to a question was not sufficient to determine the criteria of a boyfriend. Naive as I thought and wilful as I presume were enough to enforce my stance.
Anyway the rest was history but the main of this post is "What exactly was my answer"? Since till date I have yet to find another guy who shares the same sentiments, I have hidden my answer in these crypted texts and numbers. If by any chance you can decipher it, drop me a comment.
「Water
X
1
1.5057713297637894632785381264218
e-10」
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Grand-Führer
- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -
「Grand-Führer - a Leader with astonishing visions that transcends across universe which are not bounded by the physical limitations of mere mortal. A believer, a dreamer and a visionary with exceptional charismatic traits that will charm millions and start revolutions. Closely equivalent to God's fallen angel, Lucifer, the Grand-Führer will eventually collapse with grace and be remembered forever as a tyrant that leaves a deep scar in history.
」
It is in this kind of inspiration that I draw my strength to tide the darkest hours of my life. But with each step I take, I sink deeper and further away from the Light. My lungs are getting pretty messed up with tabacco and the low temperature, my heart pounding irregularly and the short and acute pains are more frequent. Somehow I feel that the end is drawing near and yet there are so many things I have not accomplished. I am unconvinced.
I am not sure, I am uncertain and I am unmotivated. The infinite "What if" doubts that races thru my head are pretty unbearable as they all center around the end of time. I have hold up pretty well contemplating, whinning, suppressing and denying. But...how long can I keep up with both my mental and physical well being?
As I try to believe, dream and visualize, I realise that I am nowhere close to where I really wanted to be. I have got part of my dreams now and yet I am unhappy and struggling but with what? Time? Existence? Reality?
I am disappointed with people and myself, I am in love with people and myself and I am in denial with people and myself. Reality is not real and dreams are not clear, voices are not heard and faces are not seen. What is really going on and how can I make sanity out of this insanity that I am experiencing?
I laugh I talk I eat and I go to work like a normal person who complys with society but inside me, I am experiencing different personalities. I laugh I talk I eat and I rationalize with my other self and it's not all weird if you become accustomed to such lifestyles.
「Grand-Führer - a Leader with astonishing visions that transcends across universe which are not bounded by the physical limitations of mere mortal. A believer, a dreamer and a visionary with exceptional charismatic traits that will charm millions and start revolutions. Closely equivalent to God's fallen angel, Lucifer, the Grand-Führer will eventually collapse with grace and be remembered forever as a tyrant that leaves a deep scar in history.
」
It is in this kind of inspiration that I draw my strength to tide the darkest hours of my life. But with each step I take, I sink deeper and further away from the Light. My lungs are getting pretty messed up with tabacco and the low temperature, my heart pounding irregularly and the short and acute pains are more frequent. Somehow I feel that the end is drawing near and yet there are so many things I have not accomplished. I am unconvinced.
I am not sure, I am uncertain and I am unmotivated. The infinite "What if" doubts that races thru my head are pretty unbearable as they all center around the end of time. I have hold up pretty well contemplating, whinning, suppressing and denying. But...how long can I keep up with both my mental and physical well being?
As I try to believe, dream and visualize, I realise that I am nowhere close to where I really wanted to be. I have got part of my dreams now and yet I am unhappy and struggling but with what? Time? Existence? Reality?
I am disappointed with people and myself, I am in love with people and myself and I am in denial with people and myself. Reality is not real and dreams are not clear, voices are not heard and faces are not seen. What is really going on and how can I make sanity out of this insanity that I am experiencing?
I laugh I talk I eat and I go to work like a normal person who complys with society but inside me, I am experiencing different personalities. I laugh I talk I eat and I rationalize with my other self and it's not all weird if you become accustomed to such lifestyles.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Phase shift
- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -[
On this special day which I have reaffirmed my existing footprints on Mother Earth, I have survived a decade plus 7 years of highs and lows. But it is here that I must spit my repressed suffocation.
Given up I have, a santuary of immerse beauty, bundle of joys, rivers of sweetness and fields of abundance. Presented in front of me were platters of unforgivingly sinful food each day and I had nothing to worry. I had my own kingdom, lead a blissful life and was envied by many. A snap of my fingers would get things done and it was the most incredible santuary I had ever lived in. However it reached a plateau where I woke up from a terrible nightmare to realise that I had a prophecy to fulfill.
Then I realised that if it's all too good to be true, then it really isn't. I wanted very much to see the truth, the REAL nature that this sacred santuary have to offer and it was then I sought new adventures. I wanted to see what the other side of the forest and did not want to believe the beauty that existed before me. I was blinded by GREED and CURIOUSITY and so I embarked on my journey.
Days passed followed by months and finally years, I have ventured well beyond the forest on "the other side", I have experienced new gardens that wanted to lock me in like the sacred santury. I was not at all surprised. I did spend some time resting in various gardens so as to continue my journey but I never really let them imprisoned me.
In the very end, I am still walking down this road to seek what the new lands in my prophecy have to offer but more often than usual, I simply missed those days laying in those tender gardens and yearn for the carefree life in the sacred santuary. Despite travelling along side time, some gardens have already withered and disappeared but 1 thing is definitely for sure and that's the sacred santuary will always be beautiful, lush and forgiving awaiting my return to rule the kingdom.
My quest will continue but I do not know where I will stop...
On this special day which I have reaffirmed my existing footprints on Mother Earth, I have survived a decade plus 7 years of highs and lows. But it is here that I must spit my repressed suffocation.
Given up I have, a santuary of immerse beauty, bundle of joys, rivers of sweetness and fields of abundance. Presented in front of me were platters of unforgivingly sinful food each day and I had nothing to worry. I had my own kingdom, lead a blissful life and was envied by many. A snap of my fingers would get things done and it was the most incredible santuary I had ever lived in. However it reached a plateau where I woke up from a terrible nightmare to realise that I had a prophecy to fulfill.
Then I realised that if it's all too good to be true, then it really isn't. I wanted very much to see the truth, the REAL nature that this sacred santuary have to offer and it was then I sought new adventures. I wanted to see what the other side of the forest and did not want to believe the beauty that existed before me. I was blinded by GREED and CURIOUSITY and so I embarked on my journey.
Days passed followed by months and finally years, I have ventured well beyond the forest on "the other side", I have experienced new gardens that wanted to lock me in like the sacred santury. I was not at all surprised. I did spend some time resting in various gardens so as to continue my journey but I never really let them imprisoned me.
In the very end, I am still walking down this road to seek what the new lands in my prophecy have to offer but more often than usual, I simply missed those days laying in those tender gardens and yearn for the carefree life in the sacred santuary. Despite travelling along side time, some gardens have already withered and disappeared but 1 thing is definitely for sure and that's the sacred santuary will always be beautiful, lush and forgiving awaiting my return to rule the kingdom.
My quest will continue but I do not know where I will stop...
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