Revelations...but from who.

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

Recently I seem to have sunken into a deep, vast amorphous space of thoughts. Almost everynight, with an Ice Mint Marlboro cancer stick popped snugly between my fingers, I sat leaning against my bed, fully kitted with sweaters and snowboarding jackets, I simply stoned there for a good amount of time. Although my central sensors are still functioning and I am fully aware of my surrounding, my cognition was splited into 2 halves. 1 for keeping my animalistic instincts of survival, the other one just wondered deeper into an ocean of thoughts to seek something.

Sometimes even when I am asleep, sub-conciously I wonder far away like being sucked into a huge black hole...but in the midst of all these, I could sense that something is waiting to be discovered. What could it be...an answer, the truth, an omen? I do not know, but this morning after I hit the snooze button on my clock, the short 30 minute slumber attacked my sub-conscious cognition and I was abruptly awoken by my room mate. It was then I realised that I had overslept and was late for work. Washed up and got changed in an amazingly insane record of 10 minutes compared to the usual 30 minutes, I grabbed my breakfast and ate en route to work.

Munching away my little blueberry buns while driving, bits and pieces of the revelation a while ago flashes thru and I could feel exactly like in the revelation. It's pretty frightening but I simply shrug the thought to the back of my head. Sometime ago I did posted a similiar post regarding this issue, and I think now, though not as often, the mental relapse are getting more intense with erratic occurences. What is going on...what or who is trying to tell me something?

Is it the mountains around me or is it the woods behind my house? Is it the food or is it my past? Sanity is failing me and anxiety is growing gradually with paranoia looming around the corners. I just hope this wild array of distorted thoughts are not going to explode exponentially into infinity.

My mind is weak, I could sense it...if it's really true that someone or something above the clouds or beneath the earth wants to possess my vulnerable mind, I will not give in without a fight. Never!