Dissection

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

Well today, I taught the students in my school in the abscence of another teacher...which is pretty fun. However in the midst of the day, I realised how much the students had actually loved my prescence in the school and regained all the lost popularity. They looked up to me, greet me with so much enthusiasm and most were just eager to smile and wave frantically at me. So this is where all the weird hormones start to disintegrate and my sanity slowly disappearing.

I thought to myself...back then it all started with one, yes JUST one reason, to leave for a place and start a new beginning where no one is there to judge me or know about my past. So here I am right here right now in my presumed "sacred" and "untainted" sanctum...where everyone look upon me as being God-sent, and everything that they ever wanted was or wished was persent in me, people complimented on my looks. intellengence, capabilities, etc and overlook all the flaws...I am just concerned that all these uncanny limelight status that I am getting here in a remote village famous for rice will never be present in Singapore and will never befall on me when I am in Singapore...not in a million light years.

Most folks here are so down to earth, no fence surrounding the schools, no need to lock up houses when you go out...yes the people here are so cohesive and yet most accomodating to foreigners, humbly welcoming them in open arms. It's truly amazing...and definitely not possible in big cities. Seeing these folks and the ever sweet students makes me wanna stay here for a long time, escaping the much dreaded city life and constant paper chase. Money and luxury or a life here, well the answer is pretty obvious...

Somehow all these beautiful occurences around me is making me a little weary as all good things will come to an end is a philosophy that I lead my carefree life with. So pondering this much untainted place that I have seek from the start, I am afraid of history repeating itself here...and that will my past come back to haunt me smashing my much beautiful dream here. No I really dun want any of that happening here...no I really dun want my beautiful dreams that have kept me alive for so long to be ruin....no way. I want to continue to believe that this IS the place to be, to start my life new, to leave behind all the filth that have rooted in me. So once again battling the sweet innocent calm before the storm, and the aftermath that the storm is about to bring, I really dun know what to do...

Will I still be living in my little sweet dream utopia shielded by my own imaginary bubble or will the time comes where I can not harness my concentration anymore and letting the bubble burst...only to crumble and succumb to detest, angst and hatred, once again seeking a new land, a new place to conquer, then plunder and torch everything...*sigh* Well life's a journey so the story will only be told along the way, not now, but in the future...

So while the never ending conflicts of my cognition rages on, a little consolation today help ease me up a little...while I headed to a supermart near my place to grab some croquettes for my dinner, the cashier checked me out...which is pretty cool and I felt good...well she's the kinda girl that's average but the type that most guy's parents would love and adore when they meet her...Yep she totally check me out...stealing glances at me...haha

Yeah I did blasted most of my much deserved cash thatI brought here on the camera, just to save a hundred SG dollars on the train tickets, now I am literally skiving on cash spent on everything, meals especially. Darn, so a little trip to the supermart, a couple of croquettes that's less than ¥200 and some rice with curry sauce or some seasoning would settle my dinner. See cos I have to save up for a winter jacket, warm clothes, and a hell lotsa other stuffs in the next couple of months...and NOPE i am definitely not and probably never will regret that I bought the camera...I LOVE MY CAMERA, which is getting the same amount of affection as my MACBOOK...*smooch* I love the both of them...