Today 11 June 2007...The End

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

My intuition was correct, each time when you said that you wanted me to call you, I just felt uneasy that each call I make would probably be my last...and today, you decided to end it all. There is really nothing more I can say...all the things we've gone thru, the times we shared and the hopes that kept me alive.

You were my savior, my soul, my pillar of support. Now that you are gone, once again I have to pick up the broken pieces by myself. One after another, you chose to leave like she does and yet each time, I am the only one left to pick up the broken pieces. I was a puppet on your string right from the start, I was a chess piece on your table, I was nothing more than a number to add to your stats.

I kept so much of you and all that is now just ashes washed away with the rain. I was always walking behind you and you just kept running. I was never able to do what I wanted for you are always leading. I have loved and now I am tormented and burned! I cannot choose to hate you for I chose this path myself...and in isolation I drown myself in my own despair.

It was never about me...it was always about you. Whatever I do never seems to be able to please you and whatever you did I have to just accept it. I have become and option to you and you have become my only existence to go on.

How you took me out from the shadows and how you showed me to forgive and forget and to live life new, REBIRTH. How you used to promise me so much things and I was only a sucker to believe in faith and hope and all other lies. Seperated by a million miles and across oceans, I live each day on faith and hope only to find myself being buried in my own illusions. I can say enuffs thank you for all that you have done and showed me and I can say enuff sorries to make up for all the sadness that I gave you. But the truth is that I have given everything I've got and I mean EVERYTHING, but in the end, nothing ever pleases you. You are up there looking down and I am always here looking up at my ray of hope.

You gave me a reason to submit and repent but now you gave me nothing more than just empty promises. The world around me bless us for being together that's because I made you the center of my life and my world just revolves around you. But ask yourself what did you do for me? You can be stubborn and argue your way through but the truth is that you can NEVER put me above everything else, for you are self-centred and it's only you that matter. You have a choice and no one really held a knife to hold you against your own will and you chose to give me up. That's really noble and liked you always said, how much do I really know about you. Well ask yourself, how much did you ever tell me? You never wanted to tell me anything and excuses after excuses you would give to justify everything. Excuses like I would never be able to help or make a difference, I would never understand...these are jsut your own excuses to cover yourself. You are just plain selfish and no one ever will ever fit your bill.

It's not like I never ask or cared but it's just you that never really wanted to share. You made your options and priorities right from the start and I was never on the list. I was a substitute, a pawn, a replacement, something that when you needed, I will be at your disposal and stashed away when not needed. Have you ever been fair? The answer is no...not because nothing in this world is fair but rather it's just your own self-centred thinking.

I am sorry that I robbed you of your freedom right from the start.
I am sorry that I became the root of all your problems.
I am sorry that I wasn't able to meet your standards.
I am sorry that I was becoming a burden to you
I am sorry that I wasn't of much help
I am sorry that I was a jerk at some point of time
I am sorry that I disappoint you
I am sorry that I made you my life
I am sorry that I can not make your dreams come true

For all the sorries that I have apologised to you, have you ever said sorry to me? Have you ever felt remorse for the things that you did? I have never initiated any disputes or quarrels all these while and each time it was just me who would apologise to you. What were you realy thinking all these while?

So many questions are left blank and so many answers I seek, you were in a dilemma and you chose to sacrifice me so you could please the world and you really think that would benefit the both of us? I think that would only benefit you...so go on please the FUCKING WORLD of yours and let me burn and die.

Though I can never seek the answers why would you please the FUCKING WORLD and sacrifice me, if it makes you happy and if these FUCKING PEOPLE are so GOD DAMN FUCKING important, then so be it. I really don't see them contributing to your sake in anyway and I have to near the FUCKING CONSEQUENCES of your decisions, I can only come to think that THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES ARE BETTER OFF DEAD!!

Yes, as I continue to vent my fustrations and spill more filth, I will allow my anger to have full control over me. I will not hate you but I just hate the FUCKING PEOPLE that are around you, poisoning you each day.

If I had a gun, they are the ones to waste. You are so noble to save the world but too bad I am not. You are a saint and I am the fallen angel...you were God sent and I'd guess it never would worked out from the start. It was just wishful thinking on my part right from the beginning.

I have feared for this day for so long and here it is, finally ending everything. I knew I was just hanging on a thin thread that would snap anytime. This was how fragile our relationship was. But at least you could still do whatever you wanted to and I had to wait for you to take a step before I could move mine. You've got your freedom back and now, let me just waste myself. I am beyond your control and I live my life the way I want it.

Thks for the memories.

FUCKED!