Regrets...

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

Since the day you left, I've been moving on rather fine I'd guess or is it me that is denying the fact that you've already left? I am really not sure...I do question myself time and again if I am really moving on. But at the end of the day, the only conclusion that I can draw is that I am just walking in your shadows, can't move out of it as when ever there is light, a shadow would be cast. Unless I can rid the prescence of light in my life, there is absolutely no way I can ever walk out of this labyrinth that you have inevitably trapped me.

I still think of you and all the memories we shared time and again as the wounds are less than a month old. But each time I would still smile when I see you so clearly in my mind. Well to tell you the truth, I reminded myself every nite before I rest that I can never stop till I reach the end. The proccess is not important but it's the results that matter. If it's not you that I can share my life with, I am darn sure it's someone else waiting for me to find her. It's just that I am only left with 2 or 3 years maximum to find her. While you were here, I had already cast aside the intention to seek another soul mate but since your departure, I had to start from scratch and for that I kinda felt a sense of unjust done to me. The burden is there once again...

Right now I have so many regrets awaiting redemption...love songs on the radio waves and lovers all around me disgust me each day as I can not enjoy such pleasures and sweetness in life. From that I begin to hate a lot of things around me, from people to things to life. Simply, I just put on a mask and joke and smile and fool around others only to have my heart telling me that I should remember my friends but I should NEVER EVER FORGET those that wreck my life. Probably will stare them in the eyes when I die...so that they will forever be instilled with fear, pricking their conscience where ever they may be.

With your departure, life's seems to be better for you as you have cleared a burden and it seems to me that you are the least affected by the break up. I am utterly disappointed simply because I was just wondering where and of what significance am I to you?

I put you as my No. 1
I life my life and breath to see you each day
I am willing to do almost anything within my limits for you
I am willing to share everything with you
I am willing to grow old together with you
I work hard just to fulfil our dreams
I think of you before I think of myself
I can fall out with the whole world for you
I made you the centre of my life
I look up to you as a savior and a saint
I adore and worship you

and I was just wondering where would you put me in your life?

You'd probably say that I did all these things out of my own accord and you absolutely played no part in it. That's simply your own selfish excuses to deny it.
Although it's partially true, still that;s just your selfish, self centred excuses to justtify your own cause.

Right now I may be regretting over your departure but someday I will show you that it's definitely your loss that you gave me up. I will do more that I did for you for someone else. And when that time comes, I would really want you to regret all that you have done, your decisions, you choices, your life...I just want you to regret everything and have that guilt tormenting you forever.