Greed Vs Needs

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

There is definitely one hell of a difference between Greed and Needs. While needs are basic necessities that must be fulfilled before greed can set in. The hierarchy is formed in such a way that needs are at the base of the pyramid while greed can be anything above the needs category or even right at the tip of the pyramid.

I am using this frame of reference to make sense of something. On one hand, someone that I have hurt, left high and dry am still willing to sacrifice anything for me in exchange for my happiness. Almost a year since the fateful day and still I am being treated like a gem, simple words or msg seems to put a smile on her face and make her day.

While on the other hand, I was born greedy and I'd guess who wasn't. I am a perfectionist and I seek the perfect one who I know in reality will never exist as I will continue to find fault and flaws. So somehow I've indeed found what I am looking for but it seems like it's really not easy maintaining the relationship. Once I was papmered like a King and whatever I wanted, she would yield and submit to my requests. I never really needed to care or let anything bother me as I know she would give in. Now that I have traded those days for something very different or rather the opposite. Now I am the one that's giving everthing I've got and just hanging on a thin line of hope. I have inevitably become a pawn, a slave of my own device. I am being leashed on a chain and I've lost my freedom, my empire and everything I've got. But still I keep my hopes high and I hang on dearly to uncertainty believing that someday it'd rationalize into reality.

It's really ridiculous how I yearned so much for something and fought so hard for it only to crumble and hold on dearly to a thin line that will either snap and let me fly to God's santuary or will it allow me to climb right to the top and save myself? Although there is absolutely no way I can know the answer but I really want it to be like those in my dreams. The flow here is like a circuit, one direction and I am just like a wet cell requiring 2 opposing nodes to connect the circuit.

Well like ehat everyone would probably say, that's life so you gotta just accept it. Yeah I will accept it but in the meantime, I just hope that I can sleep normally and wake up normally without the constant rising aggression in me.

It's like a drug now, I needed them badly but I am picky for I don't just take any drug, I seek designer drugs, yep those that can make me feel good and yet they look good.

And besides, I am quite fed up with my job after my Boss gave me a good thrashing down last week for things that was not within my control. And his stubborn ass won't listen to anything but himself. It's tough these day struggling to go work which was a huge contrast from the start where I had a FUCKING huge enthusiasm to work. And I just pray that my saviour will understand me and be more tolerant of my childish antics and tantrums. Because I really do not want to feel that I have made a wrong judgement and regret my decisions.

God Bless