Visions of the other side

- Fate is decided by God but destiny is the path you choose to get there -

The past couple of weeks, I have been trying to walk out of my own depression but seems like it's getting worse and that it's affecting my work and everything. Boss ain't happy with my work and friends are pissing me off. Somehow I feel an emptiness, a void, a vacuum in my life that behaves like a black hole, sucking everything into the unknown.

The things that you are about to read are FUCKING scary and pls hold no offence to me if you choose to read it. This is a dream I got due to extreme depression which I totally have no control over and that the cause of it remains unknown.

Yesterday nite everything felt so fucking bad that suddenly I felt like the abscence of everyone around me would be a good thing. Yes I mean everyone...somehow I felt that all my best friends and my brothers, whether they are with me or not doesn't really have a difference. People that I have known for a long time and people that have gone thru thick and thin with me, sweat blood and tears, walk the darkest shits on earth together...I felt that these people are suddenly of no significance to me. Meaning that whether they are around or not have really absolutely no impact on me.

And the dreams follows to a dark room where I gather all my best friends and brothers whom are "The Chosen Ones". They were all tied and on their knees...and I was there waiting to see their reaction and to capture their last words before I shoot them in the head. People whom have regarded me as their best friends and have totally no guard or what so ever against me, people who considered me the last person on earth to have ill intentions on them. I would like to see how they behave before being laid waste by the person they trusted and called best friend and brother.

While most questioned me why, desprately seeking answers to justify my insanity, they started cursing and swearing when they know they can't talk their way outta death. They simply have so much to live for and just didn't wished to die. It's funny how hostile people will behave knowing that they will die in the hands of someone that they trusted and believed.

And so one by one, they fell to the ground after the sound of the gun. Only 1 person...a girl whom I can't raelly see her face...she didn't mind dying...she lived for me and did not show the slightest hesitation when I asked her for her last words...she smiled and said, "I've lived enuff, seen enuff and if it's death you grant me, I'll gladly accept." She did not fear death, she was happy and relieved to receive it and that was why she was the only person who walked out of the dark room where all that was inside were on the floor, with a single hole in the forehead.

It was a fucking twisted dream, I really freaked out. I can't even imagine wasting my friends, my brothers. Who am I go play God...? Losing my sanity over depression is no excuse to have such twisted dreams...but still I see the vividness of the dreams even when I am wide awake now.

Not I really have to get a grip on myself and rid all these poisons of the mind before things really get outta hand. The mind is probably the most formidable weapon of a person so I really have to suppress such sick mentality.

I hope I can recover...I just need to fill up this emptiness for I know that the void is just one of the reasons for all these insane thoughts.

I will live through it. I have to conquer the demons within before they engulf me.