Alas! Completion of the Kabuto...philosophy of insanity

- The Path you Choose Will Be Your Destiny -

Finally after destroying 2 prototype of the 1/6 scale kabuto, I've finally managed to complete a kabuto from scratch...and my goodness it's really nice and I'm pretty impressed by the finished prototype...not that I'm bragging of that I may be exhibiting a bit of proudness but still the enormous amount of satisfaction that I got from nothing to something I mean to actually build something that deemed impossible at first. It the kinda like attaining nirvana or some kind of achievment that I never thought possible by my own limited knowledge and skills. Well like the saying goes, if you put your heart to it, nothing is impossible. Went to town to show a couple of my friends and most were pretty impressed by the intricate details and the amount of effort put in to complete something of this calibre but seriously all these praises did not seemed to make me feel proud or happy or at the very least, satisfactory. Instead I'm sort of feeling quite vexed and presurrised but the fact that there are still so many flaws in the finished model and that I could have definitely done better. Kinda like disappointed that why did I stopped at where I thought was the complete model but the fact that I could have actually be more precise and not cut corners and produced a better piece. The relentless pursuit of perfection stills don on me each time I do something with passion and with much inspiration. But now I just can't helped it but feel disappointed and disgusted at myself of producing works that is not reaching my expectations. Maybe its just that my friends aren't capable of producing such things or its just that there are some unforseen factors restraining them from realising their full potential.

Somehow to me the kinda satisfaction upon seeing the complete model got me carried away and resulting me from realising my full potential. I pondered at why is my concentration lost there? What got me carried away? Still i search for my answers desprately. Praises from people around me doesn't seem to encourage me but to remind me that there is no limit to my potential till I set one for myself. Self-denial and illusion are messing my sanity. Maybe I was born a perfectionist but still that is not a valid excuse to limit my potential or to be satisfied with what's before my eyes. Vision to most humans are deceptional and works almost 70% of our brain and often misleading us to believe lies and deception and resulting in dire consequences. And the cold fact that we have to clean up the mess and live with it hoping that it will all be washed away with the hands of time. Wrong! That will never happen...and that reality is cruel so please remember that.

Thought sometimes I do stray away from the main topics but please bear with it as our minds are formidable weapons so when the stream of thoughts just happen to flow through my brain nerves, I seek you forgiveness to putting those profound sanity of mine here. At times, I feel that everyone around me including myself is wearing a mask. Still today I don't really understand why this is so...well the possible reasons that seem to have occured to me are...we are vulnerable by nature and animal instincts allow us to evolved and survive till today is that to trust no one but yourself...evil will always triumph over good so it is better to play safe to stand a better chance of survival...someones gotta start removing their masks before we follow suit but too bad reality killed to many of them...maybe our brain is so complex that till today no science or technology can predict our thoughts accurately and constantly we harbour thoughts that seems impossible for anyone but ourselves to fathom. Sub-consiously, we are always at a dilemma over choices we have to make. Pathetic is the word that I can think of to correctly sympathize this weird phenomenon.

Still each day I am constant trying to improve myself and see the full potential to the works i produced with much inspiration and passion but sad to say I tend to based myself to only quality works fuelled by passion and at many times, this has led to my downfall in many things I do. I am constantly plagued by procrastination and that is a hard cold reality that I have to face and it really sucks if you know what i mean but please don't sympathize me as I do believe that you and everyone else on the surface of this dying planet is experiencing the same thing. Well it really up to an individual to change his or her destiny but overcoming this problem at hand.

Blah Blah Blah so much philosophy of insanity tonite...what's gotten over me man? Ha boy I am still figuring out how the hell am I still penning all these things here? Now I am finding these profound thoughts confusing...oh well what the hell I am gonna watch Initial D stage 4 that I took from my god-bro a couple of hours ago...goodnite and sweet dreams now...